A Simple Question

Patient “Is it contagious?”
Doctor “If it’s dripping, it’s contagious.”

Good to know.

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Okay, this is not…

what i expected at 5:00 in the morning as I headed out the door with MadDog (aka Mattie, dog #2) to do what dogs do the first thing in the morning. She was just busy, busy, busy moving quickly from one side of the driveway to the other tugging on the leash trying to figure out what animals had been there throughout the night. As she was pulling, I looked up ahead just a bit and what do I see, opossum love. Yes, that’s right two opossums caught in a compromising position. Mr. Opossum did not look happy to see me, he just stared with those beady little black eyes and the Mrs’ looked like she really needed a break. I have been asked “Why didn’t you get a video of them?”  (Go to YouTube and search opossum sex and you’ll understand.) Well, at 5am I don’t take my phone outside with me, at 5pm more than likely I would.  So I gave MadDog a yank and headed back to the house, trying to get the image of the two opossums out of my head. I thought how am I going to get this visual out of my head, I swear I have retina burn. Fast-forward to 5pm. I pull up the driveway and my husband made it home before me. Thank heavens, because if I had pulled up the driveway and seen a 4’ long Bull Snake in front of the garage I would have freaked. He was nice enough to move the snake into the side yard, but of course had to take a picture of it first. He told me it really didn’t want to leave and that was probably because it was digesting dinner. If you look at the picture closely you can see the bulge. What was dinner? A mouse, chipmunk or a baby bird?

I really do love animals and nature but opossums and snakes are not what I would call cute and cuddly. Cuddly to me has four legs, fur or hair and a tail THAT IS COVERED with fur or hair. I don’t say awwww when I see a snake. What I do is scream or run, maybe/probably both. So what I have decided is…snake trumps opossum and I don’t know what trumps snake, but this is beginning to feel like the animal version of the game Paper, Scissors, Rock.

Lamborghinis

Saturday, after our discussion of the popular, Yonanas, a group of gentlemen entered the Patisserie.  All were nattily dressed.  One even had matching shoes to his red polo shirt.  Hmm, I thought they were an interesting sort.  While walking back to my car, there was a show room full of Lamborghinis parked all around me.  It must have been that group of men who entered just before we departed.  The cars were sweet rides, particularly the antique red model that was just pulling up.  I went about my day.  Fast forward to Wednesday, while listening to Johnny B on WGN, he talked about a YouTube video that went viral about a Lambo that had an accident near our beloved Saturday morning meeting place.  Was it one of those guys?  Inquiring minds want to know.

How did I miss these?

The newest member of our class showed up yesterday wearing flip-flops. I said “Okay, what’s up with the shoes?” She explained that when she didn’t come to class on Saturday, she had emptied car and forgotten her shoes had been removed. But on the up side, her flip-flops included a bottle opener. How did I miss these? What a great idea. Then another member of the class chimed in “Are they available with a corkscrew?”  It’s a good idea, but you would probably have trouble boarding an airplane.

These are the important conversations that happen at 7am during our exercise class.

Yona what?

I’m a little nervous, this is the first time I have attempted to blog. This blog is the conversations that our group has during our exercise class and then afterwards at the local patisserie.

This morning on my way to class, at 6:15 am, I was listening to the radio and for the second week in a row the host was talking about the Yonanas. Last week I mentioned the Yonanas in class everyone just looked at me, and it didn’t go any further. This morning I mentioned it, and Midnight had listened to the same station and it had peaked her curiosity. We figured it had to be a blender of some kind, but what made this device so special. So special, that two grown men were just beside themselves. So when we got to coffee I grabbed my iPad and googled Yonanas.

I clicked on the link to the website and immediately laughed, because I couldn’t believe how phallic this thing looked. Then I showed it to the group, more laughter. Looking at the picture I was trying to figure out if it was electric, but I didn’t see a cord, battery operated or manually operated. If it was manually operated, all I could think was “hand job,” and they should pay me to use it. There was a link to video, so I clicked to view. Good news, it has a motor it’s not manual. The woman was pushing frozen pineapple down the chute. That looked strange enough that i don’t want to think about a frozen banana going down the chute, and coming out the bottom like soft serve ice cream. It just wasn’t a pretty picture I had in my head.

I read “food for thought,” on their website I was just amazed how many women love, love, love this appliance. But as we talked about appliances and utensils, Jade Waverly added that “kitchen utensils need to do at least two things to make them worthwhile, I already have too much on my counter.” Looking at this appliance it could probably be used for two things, but one of them wouldn’t be in the kitchen.

I don’t know if the inventor of the Yonanas is a man or woman but if it’s a man, I’ll bet he drives a corvette.